How much attention should I pay to my emotions?

Understanding Emotions: Focus on Resolution, Not Obsession

In today’s fast-paced world, emotions can often feel overwhelming. While it’s essential to acknowledge and understand our feelings, it’s equally important to avoid getting lost in them. Paying just enough attention to your emotions to resolve them can lead to a healthier mental state and a more balanced life.

Why You Shouldn’t Dwell on Emotions

Focusing excessively on emotions can lead to rumination, which may exacerbate feelings of anxiety and sadness. Instead of allowing emotions to dictate your actions, it’s more beneficial to recognize them, understand their source, and then work towards resolution. This approach not only helps in managing emotional states but also promotes emotional resilience.

Avoid Suppressing Emotions

Suppressing emotions means pretending your emotions don't exist. It is a denial that you're feeling what you're feeling. This causes the emotions to intensify over time. It is helpful to be aware of our emotions, but that doesn't mean that you need to take action on the emotion. If you recognize that an emotion isn't helpful you can acknowledge it without paying attention to it.

For example if you feel anxious about a presentation you can respond to your feeling by acknowledging the feeling and telling your brain it isn't helpful. Your internal dialogue may sound something like, "Hi Brain, I know you're trying to help by giving me this anxiety, but I've put a lot of effort into preparing for this presentation and the anxiety is not helpful. I'm going to focus on something else."

Tips for Resolving Emotions

Here are some practical strategies to help you acknowledge and resolve your emotions without allowing them to take control:

1. Identify the Emotion

Recognizing what you’re feeling is the first step towards resolution. Take a moment to pause and ask yourself what emotion you are experiencing. Is it anger, sadness, fear, or something else? Naming the emotion can point you towards what action is related to resolving the emotion.

2. Understand the Source

Once you’ve identified the emotion, try to understand its origin. Reflect on what triggered this feeling. Was it an event, a conversation, or perhaps an internal thought? Emotions can also be triggered by needs of our body like hunger or exhaustion. If there wasn't a specific event (childhood or recent) that triggered the emotion it's possible the emotion is triggered by a biological need of your body.

If you chronically feel an emotion then you may have trained your brain to focus on specific emotions and need to learn how to reduce your focus on unhelpful emotions.Understanding the source can provide insights into how to resolve it.

3. Allow Yourself to Feel

It’s natural to want to suppress negative emotions, but allowing yourself to feel them is crucial. Give yourself permission to experience the emotion without judgment. This acknowledgment can often reduce its intensity.

Pay attention to whether talking/journalling about an emotion intensifies it or resolves it. This can be tricky as some things appear to resolve emotions, but may actually maintain the emotion in the long run. For example, people often ask for reassurance when they feel anxious, but this trains the brain to think the anxiety was helpful and will trigger the anxiety again in another situation. A skilled therapist can help with identifying and addressing the difference between resolution and maintaining an emotion.

4. Focus on Cognitive Diffusion

Cognitive diffusion is a technique that helps individuals create distance from their thoughts and emotions, allowing them to observe these experiences without becoming entangled or overwhelmed. This approach encourages a more flexible relationship with one's thoughts, promoting clarity and emotional resilience.

Techniques for Cognitive Diffusion

• Labeling Thoughts and emotions: Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings by labeling them as simply thoughts and feelings, which helps reduce their intensity.

• Thank your brain: Your brain is trying to help you by giving you this thought. You can tell your brain "Thanks, but no thanks."

• Visualization: Imagine your thoughts as leaves floating down a stream, allowing them to pass by without engaging with them.

• Perspective Shifting: Consider how you would view your thoughts from a distance or through someone else's eyes.

• Humor: Try to view your thoughts in a light-hearted way, which can diminish their power over you. Saying your thoughts in a funny way or with a silly voice can help reduce the emotion connected to the thought.

  
  

Benefits of Cognitive Diffusion

• Improved emotional regulation

• Increased psychological flexibility

• Enhanced ability to focus on the present moment

• Reduced impact of negative thoughts on behavior

5. Talk It Out

Sometimes, discussing your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist can provide clarity and relief. Verbalizing emotions can help you process them and gain new perspectives.

6. Take Action

Once you’ve processed your emotions, think about what actions you can take to resolve the situation. This could involve setting boundaries, making amends, or simply changing your environment. Taking proactive steps can empower you and alleviate emotional distress.

If you're having a hard time thinking about what action would be helpful for resolving your emotion it can help to think about what your instinctive response to the emotion is and to consider the opposite behaviour. Emotions like anxiety, shame, and guilt often instinctively result in avoidance, when facing the original issue is often the thing that resolves the emotion.

7. Reflect and Learn

After resolving the emotion, take some time to reflect on the experience. What did you learn about yourself? How can this knowledge help you in the future? Reflection can turn emotional challenges into opportunities for growth.

Conclusion

Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, but they don’t have to control your life. With practice the process for recognizing your emotions and taking action becomes quicker. By paying just enough attention to your feelings to understand and resolve them, you can cultivate emotional intelligence and resilience. Remember, it’s not about ignoring your emotions, but rather managing them in a way that promotes your well-being. Start implementing these tips today and take charge of your emotional health!