Why I feel like I don't fit in with modern therapists

When I listen to therapists I feel like we are often divided into extreme camps that won't talk to each other. In parenting there's the positive parenting approach which says your kid just needs love and encouragement and there's the structured discipline approach which says do steps 1-6 and that will solve the problem. Don't we need both loving encouragement and structured expectations to help kids thrive?

We have body positive therapists that encourage fat acceptance and therapists who focus on intuitive eating and other approaches that give a structure towards healthier relationships with food. Don't people need compassion for where they are and a structure for health?

We have people who think diagnosis of neuordivergence is important and those who think everything is over diagnosed and over medicated so they don't diagnose anything. Sometimes people need medication and sometimes they don't. Sometimes people fit a diagnosis and sometimes they need to know that even if they don't fit a diagnosis the things that treat that diagnosis could still help the issues they're having. Not every socially awkward person has Autism, but they could still benefit from therapy focused on social skills and managing anxiety.

I see this divide in therapy regardless of the issue. People get burned out on failed structure or evidence-based approaches and they seek out someone to help them feel better about their failure. It feels like therapists have been using a black and white approach to therapy that stops them from meeting their clients where they really are by balancing compassion with evidence.

What causes people to divide into camps?

It's a lot easier to be black and white and focus exclusively on one thing and make the best out of that instead of taking two divergent approaches and figuring out where the common ground is. It can be hard to find common ground. It takes listening with a focus on where you agree instead of where you disagree.

Maybe the real work of therapy and of being human is learning to hold compassion and structure in the same hand. Growth often happens not at the extremes, but in the balance between them.

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