What is Collaborative Divorce?
Updated: Sep 25, 2021
You may be thinking, I want my day in court so I can have justice. However, the reality is that court is not there to dispense justice. It is there to apply the law. What's the problem with court?
The court process is designed to apply the law. The difference with the collaborative divorce process is it focuses on helping the couple negotiate between themselves so that they can come to an agreement that works best for the both of them. It helps uncover the underlying goals behind what the client wants, which allows for more ways for the clients need to be met.
Collaborative divorce is approached using a multi-disciplinary approach that ensures financial understanding by both spouses, and allows for their desires to be better understood and communicated more fully then is possible in a court process.
In the story of the orange, two children want the orange. A court would look at this and cut the orange in half and announce this is what's fair. In the collaborative process we ask "What do you want the orange for?"
One child says they want to make juice and the other wants to make marmalade with the rind. When we look at the problem creatively and in more detail then it allows us to see that both children would be happier if one receives the rind and the other receives the segments.
You may be thinking, how can that help us when we both want the car? There's only one car. What is it about the car that's desirable? What need does it fill? What would you use it for? When these questions like these are asked they can reveal more about what the car means to the person and reveal alternative ways the needs can be met.
How can a family professional like me help?
Goal clarification, goal setting, help with recognizing and managing emotional triggers, adjusting to transitions, communication skills, and more.
Divorce is a legal process that creates a different family structure and typically divides families with children between two homes. A family professional can help parents understand how to manage the transition in a way that minimizes negative impact on children and parents.
The dispute resolution process someone chooses has a big impact on the outcome of the process. You can click on the chart below to get more details on The costs of the different options and how satisfied people are with the process. The chart shows high satisfaction with the collaborative process, with the lowest satisfaction for litigation.
The involvement of family professionals, like me, helps keep people more resolution focused, work through emotions which prevent resolution, and think of creative solutions to their conflicts. To find out how I can work with high conflict couples click here.